I lost 3 pounds!

Guess where?

This past Wednesday, I went in for breast reduction surgery.

It was a tough decision (made especially difficult by the recent death of Kanye West's mother). I'm not a big fan of general anesthesia.

Plus, I heard they put a catheter in your hoo-hoo during surgery. Also my least favorite thing.

But since my pregnancy three years ago, my boobs just haven't been the same. Not that they haven't been spectacular - they were often featured in an well-respected international magazine.

However, "tribal" just isn't my look.

So Wednesday morning at 5:30am, I drove myself over to the hospital, lay there in a hospital gown, and tried not to freak out. I was so nervous, I had gotten about 45 minutes of sleep. My parents took my daughter the night before, because her school first opens at 7:30. Thankfully, my girlfriend Maria showed up at 6:30am to sit with me and hold my hand until they wheeled me in. She had the surgery 6 months ago, and was a giant help. She even took me shopping last week for all the front-clipping sports bras I'd be wearing for the next month. It was really good to have her there. She always makes me laugh, and will never tell anyone what my ass looks like when my hospital gown flies open.

Around 1pm, I woke up in recovery, only mildly aware of pain in my chest area. I groggily asked the nurse for more pain medication, and got some morphine. OOOH, MY FAVORITE! I was checked out around 3pm, and my little parents carefully helped me shuffle out to the car, with my mother eyeing my boobies the entire time.

"Holy cow, you're so flat! Did he leave you anything??"

Me: "Shut up, Ma". Except I was on so many drugs it sounded more like "SSSALLGHMMFF."

For the next three days, I stayed at my parents', while they helped me fluff my pillows, reach my ginger ale, and pull my pants on and off to pee. My mom also emptied my surgical drains, which was pretty gross. I think my dad fed me a yogurt at one point. It was nice.

I came home today, and I have nothing to do but watch Intervention and eat fruit and lay around. My boobs are back where they used to be, and after a month, I won't even have to wear a bra.

The pain isn't anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be, but I still have a whole bottle of Vicodin left!

New boobs, drugs, and lots of TV. This has been the best week EVER.