I don't respond well to stress.

I've been doing really well on my new fitness plan.

I've been doing well, that is, until my child started channeling evil spirits and stopped napping.

Yesterday she came home from daycare with a heinous cough, and we were up all night. Mostly me, though. She seemed to finally sleep through her own horriffic hacking at some point. Not me, though.

Fuck.

So I kept her home today, knowing that if I sent her in, she'd just come home with something progressively far worse.

"Your child has spina bifida".

"What? It was a cough this morning!"

"She had a cough this morning and you knowingly sent her in to daycare? Well, now it's spina bifida, and it serves you right, you neglectful, sorry excuse for a mother."

However, she was already home on Monday because of Veteran's Day. You know what? I've already spent three years supporting a veteran, aka, her no-child-support-paying-father. TAKE MY KID AND LET ME WORK!!!

My workload is now up to my neck, and Satan the Child spent the day trying to open every bleach bottle, painting the cats, exploring the medicine cabinet, and seeing how far she could turn the dials on the stovetop. I don't know what happened to her, but I will sacrifice goats and virgins to get my former, well-behaved child back immediately.

Then the phone rings, and it's my beloved boyfriend, mumbling into his cell phone. He said something like, "Hey, baby! I'm in a yacht off the coast of Malaga! You should be here... it's 22 degrees (72F), and.... " and I lose interest and start scowling at my computer screen again.

You should be here. It's 85, I'm in my underwear, and my living room is covered in maple syrup. Spain, schmain.

Needless to say, I had a frenzied large handful (ok, several handfuls) of Halloween candy for lunch. Mostly while desperately trying to have ONE PHONE CONVERSATION while my child screamed "I'M DONE NAPPING! I'M DONE NAPPING!" from behind her bedroom door, roughly seven minutes after I put her down for a nap. For dinner, we had French toast. In case you don't know the recipe, it's bread, eggs, cream, vanilla, and sugar, fried in butter and topped with butter and sugar, because the rest of the maple syrup is stuck in the grout of my living room floor tile.

Yeahp.

For my midnight snack, I'm having a large handful of laxatives and three gallons of water, 'cause I ain't going out like that. If you'd like to lodge a complaint, please feel free to post one. My response will sound something like hissing and spitting, and it will be on your phone, about two hours after you fall asleep.

Love ya.

Mean it.

Come pick up my kid.

Terrible threes??

My Kid has been on a downturn lately, and I can't figure out if it's because I'm working longer hours, or I'm working longer hours because I'm constantly cleaning up after her.

The other morning I woke up to find my child and the bathroom vanity covered in the contents of my makeup bag (the worst part turned out to be on the side that you can't see!). It was like lipstick cave paintings. She also hauled off and bit a kid at school, and she cut her hand on a glass votive holder that she wasn't supposed to be playing anywhere near. Then she complained because she dripped blood on her new stickers, and I found myself yelling "WELL IF YOU DON'T WANT BLOOD ON YOUR TOYS, STOP PLAYING WITH BROKEN GLASS!!".

Watch out Britney. There's a new Mother of the Year in town.

Today her school was closed for Veteran's Day, and she spent the day at home with me, while I desperately tried to work. I just finished, about 15 minutes ago. I started roughly 16 hours ago. Chicken, egg, egg, chicken.

All's I know is, I'm tired. And she'll be in to wake me up again any minute now.

I cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet.

Today at daycare, I met another mother in the hall, and recognized The Look.

I asked her how she was, an outpouring flowed from her and didn't stop for twenty minutes. She's the Other Single Mother at the Kid's school.

She seemed stressed, tired, and a little harried. The usual. But there was a look in her eye that I recognized immediately as someone who spent every hour of their day when not at work with a three-year old attached to them. She looked like someone who hadn't had a morning or evening to herself in a long, long time. I felt her pain.

I suggested that we meet up at a park this weekend, and she jumped at the idea - which was so nice. I thought I could pack some snacks and let the kids run in circles and give her some time to unwind. Then I asked her if I could have her kid over one night for a sleepover. She was a little wary, as he's been having some issues lately, and is currently seeing a behavioral therapist, but I'm feeling so healthy and relaxed lately, that some screaming toddler antics are nothing I can't handle right now. Plus, I know that a night off would restore her ten times over. At the very least, I could load both kids up with my leftover Halloween candy until they were completely wound up, and then collapsed into a deep sleep wherever they fell over.

I think it would also be nice to have more than one kid in the house. :)

I'm the relaxed one.

HA!

A (sober!) recap

I did something last week that I probably shouldn't have done sober (but I haven't had a drink in months and I'm not about to start). I read this blog from start to finish. And I've come to a few conclusions about my past year as a single parent.

• Most of my frustration comes from outside influences, such as work, and the Kid's father's lack of responsibility and financial support.


• My job at the airport was really, really horrible. Avoid working for the government at all costs.


• It's essential to have backup. I don't know what I would have done when the Kid & I got sick, if my parents weren't there to help. And sometimes, I just really, really need a day off.


• I should have been taking better care of myself, but I'm glad I know better now. Eight hours of sleep, regular exercise, and healthy, whole foods are absolutely essential for anyone who wants to be the ideal Them. If you don't get at least the minimum (which are the things I just listed), you can go through your life like a frikkin' zombie. I have emptied my house of processed foods and frankenmeats.
  

I also realize that I've reached my max load of outside interference. The thing about single parenting with a toddler is that you're still at that age of their childhood where they require routine and sameness. My kid needs to go to bed with a specific amount of blankets, toys, and water every night, according to the agreement as detailed in her backstage rider. Should I stray from the agreement, screaming and crying will commence, and my eye will twitch.

There are days that I just need to switch off the phone, and not answer any email. Since I hate all my neighbors, all my curtains are usually closed, until I am ready to deal with their music/screaming/7am construction. I kept the Kid home with me one day last week, because I had spent the previous evening stuck in traffic on the turnpike for three hours, and worked very late to make up for the lost time. I decided to sleep in the next morning, and avoid the turnpike altogether. I realize that the daily drive to her daycare is not a slow drive in the country, and I now listen to classical music to try and keep my blood pressure down. I've also gotten better at saying "no" to preserve my tranquility.

I am not great at returning phone calls, but I now understand that this is so I can stay focused on providing a safe, healthy, and relaxed environment for my kid, and so I can spend more time taking care of myself. Every phone call I avoid could be a half-hour walk for myself, and every two phone calls are an hour at the gym. I am not happy that I've isolated myself, but I don't know how else to keep my sanity. I have one friend in the area with a kid the same age, and we rarely get together. The Kid gets enough socialization during the week at daycare, and weekends are mommy time. Is that healthy? I don't know.

I feel better now than I have in years.

That photo isn't me, by the way. It's my friend Zoe, who has the healthiest body and spirit I've ever seen!

Live and learn.... :)

Little Flower's Halloweenie