"Harold frantically grabbed his lamp. Harold, incensed, shook the hell out of it for no apparent reason, dashed it on the ground, kicking it repeatedly. He took the Kleenex box, threw it across the room, then STORMED THE CLOSET!"I've decided to begin narrating my own life, out loud.
"Mary reached for the coffee pot, silently wondering how long the coffee had been sitting there, and who had made it. She hoped it wasn't Debbie. Out of all the talents Debbie could have possessed and didn't, making coffee was surely on the list, along with applying makeup symmetrically and penning a non-rambling e-mail. Mary became increasingly aware of her co-workers who stood in the kitchen staring at her, while she poured herself a cup of coffee and voiced a running commentary. Ignoring them, she replaced the cap on the milk, closed the refrigerator door, and left the room."
The television has been dead for approximately forever. I paid the library the $50 I owed them, and took out two bushels of books, carrying them from the library in a wheelbarrow. I can also borrow 10 DVD's at a time, and have been watching foreign films and pretending it's TV. I also watch Gray's Anatomy on the laptop and pretend that's TV as well. Fish tanks, washing machines, I don't care. I'll sit and stare at any box with motion in it and eat popcorn, and I don't care who's watching. Today's movies were "The Tree of Wooden Clogs", about a bunch of Italian peasants at the turn of the 19th century, and "Stranger Than Fiction", in which Will Ferrell plays an IRS agent who starts hearing a voice narrate his life. The Tree of Wooden Clogs made me want to take out my eye with a wooden clog, and Stranger Than Fiction made me walk around the house talking to myself. (Both normal for a Saturday.) Last night I fell asleep watching "Comme une Image", filled with baroque chorale singing and French people smoking, frowning, and drinking coffee out of bowls.
As they say in France, "Pffff".
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