As real as non-fiction

"Harold frantically grabbed his lamp. Harold, incensed, shook the hell out of it for no apparent reason, dashed it on the ground, kicking it repeatedly. He took the Kleenex box, threw it across the room, then STORMED THE CLOSET!"

I've decided to begin narrating my own life, out loud.

"Mary reached for the coffee pot, silently wondering how long the coffee had been sitting there, and who had made it. She hoped it wasn't Debbie. Out of all the talents Debbie could have possessed and didn't, making coffee was surely on the list, along with applying makeup symmetrically and penning a non-rambling e-mail. Mary became increasingly aware of her co-workers who stood in the kitchen staring at her, while she poured herself a cup of coffee and voiced a running commentary. Ignoring them, she replaced the cap on the milk, closed the refrigerator door, and left the room."

The television has been dead for approximately forever. I paid the library the $50 I owed them, and took out two bushels of books, carrying them from the library in a wheelbarrow. I can also borrow 10 DVD's at a time, and have been watching foreign films and pretending it's TV. I also watch Gray's Anatomy on the laptop and pretend that's TV as well. Fish tanks, washing machines, I don't care. I'll sit and stare at any box with motion in it and eat popcorn, and I don't care who's watching. Today's movies were "The Tree of Wooden Clogs", about a bunch of Italian peasants at the turn of the 19th century, and "Stranger Than Fiction", in which Will Ferrell plays an IRS agent who starts hearing a voice narrate his life. The Tree of Wooden Clogs made me want to take out my eye with a wooden clog, and Stranger Than Fiction made me walk around the house talking to myself. (Both normal for a Saturday.) Last night I fell asleep watching "Comme une Image", filled with baroque chorale singing and French people smoking, frowning, and drinking coffee out of bowls.

As they say in France, "Pffff".

St. Augustine

I’m posting some photos from last weekend’s trip to St. Augustine, with our friend Thomas the Archeologist, who was visiting from Copenhagen. We decided to go to St. Augustine, because he’s always looking for something historical, and something more exciting than the 107-year old drivers here in Ft. Lauderdale.

St. Augustine is the oldest city in the US, since Ponce de Leon pounced on it in 1513. Many of the houses have been restored, and if you walk down the cobblestoned streets at 7am slightly drunk and squinting, it’s like going back in time, sort of.

We had a really great time, and stayed at the St. George Inn, which was AMAZING. The room was beautiful, and you could roll right out of bed and land smack dab in the center of history. If you pulled back the curtains next to my bed, there was the Castillo de San Marcos, a fort built in 1672. I’m not kidding.
Where it says “You”, you’re standing there, probably in your pajamas, holding a bowl of cereal with one hand and a spoon with the other, hair standing at odd ends. You’re peering out the window in a rumpled shirt, and you’re mumbling to yourself, “Hey, look at that.”

Brokeback Snooze

I finally watched Brokeback Mountain last night, thanks to an unattended Netflix queue.

I fell asleep, saddened by the fact that two hot gay cowboys were gittin' some. And I wasn't.

That's my movie review, and I'm stickin' to it.

(hic)

An Irishman was drinking at the pub all night. The bartender came up to him and told him that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand up one more time with the same result. So he figured he'd just crawl outside, hang out for a while, get some fresh air and hopefully that would sober him up.

Once outside he stood up and fell again - right on his face. He decided to crawl the four blocks to his home and when he arrived at the door he tried one more time with the same results. Exhausted, he then gave up and started crawling to the bedroom.

When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright but he quickly fell right into the bed and fell sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

The next morning, he woke up with his wife standing over him shouting at him, "'So, you've been out drinking again!!" 'What makes you say that?' he asked as he put on an innocent look. "The pub called, you left your flaming wheelchair there!"

(A drinking joke, compliments of TGLETSITCAFM).

The Day the Music Died

Today a man from the cable company showed up at my house and cut our cable.

Literally.

With wire cutters.

I've had free cable since October, and I thought it was my complimentary gift for having a very difficult life. I had a very disorganized next door neighbor, who probably forgot to disconnect his cable service when he moved, so we've had six months of free cable. Thanks, Keith. Sorry you got evicted.

But it's Thursday. The mean, mean man cut our cable on a Thursday. No Gray's Anatomy. No Earl. No Men in Trees. No nothin'.

And so, out of spite, I am going to drag myself to the library tomorrow, pay them the $50 in late fees that I owe them, and I am going to

read

a

book.

HA!

An extra hour of sunlight

Daylight savings time kicked my butt this morning. I couldn't fall asleep last night, and couldn't get out of bed in the pitch dark.

I borrowed an Ambien from my mom tonight, so please don't be frightened of random keystrokes in case my head hits the keyboard.

The good thing about the extra hour is that I was able to go to the gym, where I parked myself on the treadmill in front of a TV tuned to the Food Network. It was good to look at pizza and brownies while I walked on a 6.0 incline, instead of looking at them while they fell into my mouth. But the best thing was that I picked the Kid up afterwards, and it was still light out. We had to go food shopping, but managed to get to a small playground around the corner for 10 minutes before the sun went down. It was so nice to have the place to ourselves. She loves the slide.

We went on the swings together and sang and floated back and forth, and it was just great.

Yay for the extra hour of sunlight and some time with my baby!

A weekend without work

I ran into the head of airside operations yesterday, and he smiled at me like someone who wanted something.

"You left me", he said.

I haven't worked weekends in the terminal in weeks, and it's been FANTASTIC. I took off because Allan was coming in for a visit, but also because The Kid was getting tired of me not being around. The money helped, but I felt really guilty.

"I need help Sunday", he said, and smiled sweetly. (He actually is very nice.)

"One of the Spirit passengers hit me because she was annoyed. And I have a two year old who misses me", I explained.

He was shocked that he hadn't heard about the crazy passenger, but told me that family comes first, especially for a single mom, and that he'd find someone else. Nice guy.

The Kid and I went to the playground this morning with her dad, after he, completely of his own volition, took us out for breakfast. I get the feeling he's a little lonely. This afternoon, we spent about an hour and a half at Secret Woods park (known to Hannah's dad as "Hidden Valley"). The actual walk around the park's boardwalked trail takes about twenty minutes, but I felt like I just needed to walk. There's nowhere in the neighborhood we can go without quickly hitting traffic or road construction, so I just walked in circles around the park. By the third or fourth trip around, it was kind of like walking around a meditation path. I think I needed that.

It was sort of strange to think that my Hannah, all the way over in England, came to this park while her dad lived in the area. It was a very "Lake House" moment. That is, if Hannah was Keanu Reeves, and there was a tear in the fabric of time, instead of her just being Hannah and getting out of Florida before I got here.

Yes, I know. Another excellent analogy.

:)

Chihuly at Fairchild

I went to Fairchild Tropical Garden in Coral Gables to see the Dale Chihuly exhibit. They have an event on Thursday nights called "Tropical Chihuly Nights", where you walk through the gardens at night, and the pieces are illuminated. I was glad I got there right at the opening time, because I got to see the trumpet lilies and the catcus before it was too dark. The rain forest was absolutely amazing. The whole thing was just magical.

Photos - Chinese New Year

Here's the Kid, celebrating Chinese New Year:
And the traditional Chinese New Year matzoball soup:

Photo - Valentine's Day

Since it takes less effort to bring my work laptop home than buy a new computer after the Motherboard Frying incident, I currently have about 800 photos saved on my camera.

I am posting a few in an effort to share/purge.

Here's Valentine's Day: