It's 1 o'clock in the morning, and I'm eating a bowl of cereal with some organic milk. I also poured in a $5 box of blueberries that I bought at Whole Foods. I think there were about 18 blueberries in the box. Cage-free.If you're saying to yourself, "Wow, Mary, I can't figure out why you're broke and can't lose weight!", please flick yourself in the forehead for me.
As I munch on my antibiotic-free blueberries that were caressed by Franciscan monks, I'm reading an article "How Green Was My Wedding" in the New York Times, about couples having weddings with recycled wedding dresses and rings and vegan menus and potato-based biodegradable forks. That's fantastic. If and when me and the next Mr. Me decide to settle down, I'm going to feed my guests compost and not have toilets. You're welcome, Earth.
I could be more ecologically concerned, I just wish I didn't hate Whole Foods so much. They sell all kinds of foofy and overpriced organic stuff for the benefit of the environment and human health, and the people that shop there are such ASSHOLES. Every time I pull into their parking lot, I'm nearly sideswiped by a Mercedes or a BMW. No one puts shopping carts back in the shopping cart corral -- they just let them drift into the side of my car. People storm through the aisles without making eye contact, and then practically shove you out of the way when headed for the cash register. Hello, we're all here to love the Earth through grocery consumption, not crush my Veggie Booty, you displaced metrosexual bastards.
In six fleeting hours, I need to be back at the airport, sharing my head cold germs, love of the environment, and any other psychological garbage I'm dealing with at the moment, with Fort Lauderdale's tourists.
I'm like a giant, phlegmy hug.
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