That day, for no particular reason, I decided to go for a little run.

Last night, I came home from the nail salon and realized I could leave my house.

My parents had taken the Kid for the night, and I had the opportunity to actually.... walk away from the house. Unbelievable.

So I put on my sneakers (which suck, by the way) and walked out the door and in the direction of Away. It was beautiful outside. It was about 70 degrees, with a slight breeze, and the air smelled soft, if soft is actually an olfactory descriptor. Which I doubt it is. But there it was, the air smelled soft. Slightly fragrant, a little warm, coming in small gusts. Soft.

I had no idea where I was going. I just felt like walking. Then I started running. Then it started raining. And since there's major roadwork going on in my neighborhood, I stopped running to be able to avoid the clay they're digging up. Walking allowed me to observe deep footprints in the clay that looked like a lost shoe and a muddy sock waiting to happen. I was glad I was walking.

I thought the rain would pass, but it just got harder. My clothes were drenched in a few minutes. For whatever reason, I just kept walking. I passed houses covered in Christmas lights, and many, many flowering bushes, and cats and racoons and a frog. It was amazing to just walk and not think about anything, and just clear my head and look at new things. Eventually, the rain stopped and I headed home. I think I was gone about an hour. One of my toes has a red spot from my horrid shoe. I lit some sandalwood incense and put my feet up.

I think one of the reasons I needed to walk is because I decided to give someone another chance to work through a divorce and see where we stand at the end. I'm not entirely sure I'm doing the right thing, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. Plus, I am sick and tired of Karma kicking my ass for a past mistake, and so I am crawling up on the block and offering myself to Karma for the taking. Come and git it. But after this, Karma, you and I are straight.

I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing because I'm perfectly aware of the ache during a divorce that makes you wish you weren't so terribly alone. And the fact that if someone does happen to be there, you cling to them like a buoy in a storm, but when the storm's over and the sun is shining, you suddenly realize you need some alone time.

Read this. I'm leaving it in print. Feel free to do the "I told you so" dance later.

(sigh).