Never completely alone

No matter how strong we think we are, no matter how desperately we want to be someone's mother, no matter how much love we have, it is impossible to be a single parent without help.

I always knew the love I would have for my child would far outweigh the need for a mediocre man in my life. Without question, I was certain that raising a child by myself was something I was willing to do. I just don't think that while I was making all of these deep, philosophical decisions for myself, that I took a stomach virus into account.

This weekend just completely knocked me on my butt. I think I've had this bug since last Friday, when things started tasting like sawdust. If my parents hadn't been able to take the Kid, I really don't know what I would have done.

Something inside me tells me that 2 years old will be gone in a flash, and that it is so important that she not lose this beautiful smile. The Kid says hello to everyone, and laughs so easily. When she falls, she yells "I'm ok!" and then comes over for a kiss to make it all better. When I'm feeling under the weather, and I can't give her all of my attention, and I just want to sleep, and my patience is short, I am so worried that I will do something to fade her beautiful, joyful smile.

She came back to me today, proud to have ponytails, and chirping away about the soup her grandmother made for her. She kept crawling into my lap, happy to be near me, giving me hugs.

I felt so grateful for the time to lay on the sofa and be grouchy, and run for the bathroom at will, and not have to cook, or even eat, much less worry about keeping the Kid busy and entertained. She came back to me, and I was able to hold her, and laugh, and take her to the store for cookies. We ate the cookies while sitting in the car wash, watching soap and the water cover the car, singing "Twinkle, twinkle, little star".

What a sucky weekend. And what a joy to have my beautiful baby back!!