Living in south Florida, I constantly feel like I live on paved-over Everglades. And the animals are trying to reclaim it.
Well, they can fucking have it. This lizard GLARED at me when I came home from work the other day. Don't tell me you don't see that crazy look in his eye.
The birdies at the supermarket are nice. Except for that one in the back, eating another bird's head.
Right after an hour-long massage and a facial that came with a fruit plate (and that is by no means a secret code for "happy ending" -- I asked. Twice.) this thing was between the day spa and my car. Jiminy Cricket, you say, and shrug sweetly?
Look at this careful measurement. I kept thinking it was about to leap up and gouge out my eye.
And this nasty thing... my high school friend Jesse used to call these "Puerto Rican beetles". He said they were all over Puerto Rico, where he grew up. They sounded almost friendly. I pictured Jesse in a straw hat, riding one to school. "Palmetto Bugs" make them seem like they'd be a nice shade of green, with a cute smile.
Who cares. They're gigantic, nasty, nasty cockroaches. That is my careful, scientific, flip-flopometer.
And THIS. The Loch Ness Monster, a.k.a. Beach Tourist. Sir, your ding-a-ling is pointing at my Toyota, and if I were to quickly reach around and cover my child's eyes, I would surely wrap my car around a pole. And I don't mean yours. For a milisecond, I thought it was Ron Jeremy. But I think the evidence speaks for itself.
I hate it here.
Keepin' your head above water
Makin' a wave when you can
Temporary layoffs!
Good times!
Easy credit ripoffs!
Good times!
Scratching and surviving!
Good times!
Hanging in a chow line
Good times
Ain't we lucky we got 'em
Good ti-i-i-i-i-iiiiiii-iiiiiiiiiieh.
Well, they can fucking have it. This lizard GLARED at me when I came home from work the other day. Don't tell me you don't see that crazy look in his eye.
The birdies at the supermarket are nice. Except for that one in the back, eating another bird's head.
Right after an hour-long massage and a facial that came with a fruit plate (and that is by no means a secret code for "happy ending" -- I asked. Twice.) this thing was between the day spa and my car. Jiminy Cricket, you say, and shrug sweetly?
Look at this careful measurement. I kept thinking it was about to leap up and gouge out my eye.
And this nasty thing... my high school friend Jesse used to call these "Puerto Rican beetles". He said they were all over Puerto Rico, where he grew up. They sounded almost friendly. I pictured Jesse in a straw hat, riding one to school. "Palmetto Bugs" make them seem like they'd be a nice shade of green, with a cute smile.
Who cares. They're gigantic, nasty, nasty cockroaches. That is my careful, scientific, flip-flopometer.
And THIS. The Loch Ness Monster, a.k.a. Beach Tourist. Sir, your ding-a-ling is pointing at my Toyota, and if I were to quickly reach around and cover my child's eyes, I would surely wrap my car around a pole. And I don't mean yours. For a milisecond, I thought it was Ron Jeremy. But I think the evidence speaks for itself.
I hate it here.
Keepin' your head above water
Makin' a wave when you can
Temporary layoffs!
Good times!
Easy credit ripoffs!
Good times!
Scratching and surviving!
Good times!
Hanging in a chow line
Good times
Ain't we lucky we got 'em
Good ti-i-i-i-i-iiiiiii-iiiiiiiiiieh.
2 comments:
Ewww, EWWWWW, EWWWWW. To the bugs, the guy on the beach and THE BUGS!!!
EWWWWWWWWWW
The guy on the beach............yuuuuck1!! Maybe we collect all the bugs and dump them on his --- ahem ----
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